he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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