some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
