He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
