bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
