peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
