Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
