Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
