I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
