Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
