it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
