my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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