I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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