i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
