It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
