i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
why is half of my head shaved?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize