My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
