dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So many bounce houses so little time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
