just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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