you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
