True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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