I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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