We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
