we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
