My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
