Screwed.edu
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
