Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
