Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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