I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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