Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
