would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
