Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
