there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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