so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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