I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
