Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
