So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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