I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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