I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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