Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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