he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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