Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize