drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
