sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
