i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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