so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
