I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
