I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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