I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
