This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
