Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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