This girl is more easily done than said...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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