I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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