So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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