I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sober January is a disaster.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
