Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
