Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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