Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
