If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
