HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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