K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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