She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
