Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
