Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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