He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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