You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
