I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
