If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
