He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
