She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
