Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The adults are the big ones right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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