oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
