Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
