oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
