somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
