I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
