My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i came on her dog
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
