A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
