No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love having hate sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
